Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
