I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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