R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
