I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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