You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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