so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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