I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
