the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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