I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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