Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
