thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
