don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
