So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
