That's when you crack a 10am beer
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
