did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
