You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
