My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
