he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
