chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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