So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
