You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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