Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
