Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
