dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
