I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
