he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
