Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
