I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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