i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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