thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
