i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
