I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
