she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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