clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
