he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
