Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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