I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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