Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
