Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
