wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
