Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
