I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
