meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
