Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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