Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
