yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
