I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
