Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Vodka?
Forever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
