Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
