My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
