I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
