The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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