He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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