You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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