Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
