I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
