Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
