dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
