Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it because I queefed?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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